- Draft wide first: everyone either of you would invite with no limits, from both families. Cut second, with rules, not one name at a time.
- Count people, not households. A list of 90 households is 200 seats once partners and children are added.
- Decide plus-ones and children once, as rules that apply to everyone, and print the rules on the invitation.
- Collect what the invitation needs now: e-mail or phone for the link, party size, dietary needs; postal addresses only if you print.
- Keep one list. The template on this page has the columns the Vowly Event web app imports, so the spreadsheet becomes the guest list in a minute.
Start with the number, not the names
The guest list is where the wedding's size gets decided, and it is easier to decide the size first. Two numbers set the ceiling: what the venue seats for dinner, and what the budget allows per head once the catering quote is real. A room that seats 120 with a catering price that works for 100 gives you a target of 100, and every later decision is made against that target rather than against a feeling.
Then agree how the number is shared. The old split of thirds (a third to the couple, a third to each set of parents) still keeps the peace when families contribute; a couple paying for their own wedding can keep most of the list and give each family a fixed share. Write the shares down before anyone writes down a name, because the argument is never about a name; it is about who gets to add one.
The first draft: everyone, without limits
The first list is deliberately too long. Each of you writes everyone you would invite if there were no ceiling, and both sets of parents do the same. Put them in one spreadsheet with a column for who added the name and a column for the group they belong to: immediate family, wider family, close friends, friends, colleagues, parents' friends. Do not argue yet. The draft usually lands at half again the target, and that is the point: the cutting rules in the next section work on groups, and you need to see the groups before you can rank them.
| Group | Typical share of a 100-seat list | Usually cut first? |
|---|---|---|
| Immediate family | 10 to 15 | Never |
| Wedding party and their partners | 8 to 14 | Never |
| Wider family (aunts, uncles, cousins) | 20 to 30 | Cousins' partners and children first |
| Close friends | 15 to 25 | Rarely |
| Friends and colleagues | 10 to 20 | Colleagues first, then friends not seen in a year |
| Parents' friends | 10 to 20 | Yes, unless parents hold their own share |
The rules for cutting
Cut with rules that apply to everyone, never with a conversation about one person. A rule can be explained to an aunt; a decision about her son cannot. The rules most couples end up with are below, in the order they are usually applied.
- Tiers, not names: rank the groups, then take whole groups off the bottom until the number fits. Colleagues go before friends, parents' friends before cousins.
- The one-year rule: anyone neither of you has spoken to in a year, outside family, is not on the list.
- The reciprocity rule: someone who did not invite you to their wedding is not owed a seat. It cuts both ways and settles a lot.
- The both-know rule for friends of one side: a friend only one of you has met once is a colleague-tier guest.
- Children as a group: decide adults-only, family-children only, or all children, and apply it to everyone. The exceptions are the flower girl and the page boy.
- Plus-ones as a rule: partners who live together or are engaged are invited by name; a plus-one for single guests is either for everyone or for nobody.
- Evening guests: a second list for the party after dinner is the classic way to include colleagues without paying for their dinner. Say it plainly on their invitation.
Plus-ones and children, decided once
Both questions arrive one guest at a time if you let them, so answer them once, in writing, before the invitations go out. For plus-ones, the fair line is that established partners are invited by name and everyone else follows one rule; a rule can be printed on the invitation and a reply form can enforce it by limiting the party size. For children, the honest choices are adults-only, children of family only, or all children, and the reply form can simply not offer a children's count when the answer is no. The RSVP guide has the wording for both.
The place to say it is the invitation itself, once, kindly, in the same sentence for everyone: 'We have reserved two seats in your name' says it without a rule sheet; 'This will be an adults-only evening' says the other. Guests who read it on the card do not ask; guests who have to ask feel singled out.
Counting: people, not replies
The single most common mistake in a guest list is counting rows. A row is a household or a reply; the caterer wants people. A list of 90 rows with partners and children is 180 to 220 people, and the difference between those numbers is the difference between a venue that fits and one that does not. Keep a party-size column from the first draft, fill it for every row, and read the total of that column, never the number of rows.
The same rule applies to the replies later. One reply can say 'yes, four of us, one is a child, one is vegetarian', and the count, the children's meals and the vegetarian plate all come from that one row. A guest list tool that counts people rather than replies, and shows both, is the one that matches the caterer's invoice.
What to collect for each guest
Collect what the next step needs and nothing else. For a digital invitation the next step needs a way to send the link, so an e-mail address or a phone number per household. Party size you already have. Dietary needs and a menu choice come back through the reply form; you do not need to ask in advance. Postal addresses are only needed if you print cards, and asking for them early is the slowest part of any guest list, so leave them for the households you will actually post to.
| Column | Needed for | When |
|---|---|---|
| Name (the person who replies) | Everything | First draft |
| Group | Cutting, seating | First draft |
| Party size (people, including them) | The count, the room, the caterer | First draft |
| E-mail or phone | Sending the link, reminders | Before invitations |
| Notes | Who added them, relationship, sensitivities | First draft |
| Postal address | Printed cards only | Only for those households |
| Dietary needs, menu choice | The caterer | Comes back in the reply |
| Table | Seating | After the reply-by date |
From spreadsheet to guest list without retyping
A guest list starts in a spreadsheet because that is where two families can type at once. It should not stay there, because a spreadsheet cannot send an invitation, take a reply or count people for you. In Vowly Event the move is an import: on the web app you upload the spreadsheet as it is (.xlsx or .csv, up to 500 rows), the app recognises the columns for name, e-mail, phone, party size and notes in nine languages, shows you the first rows with its guess, and writes the rows into the event's guest list. The template on this page is laid out so that guess is right first time. From there each row can be invited by e-mail, by a WhatsApp link or by a copied link, and its reply fills the same row.
The list as the day approaches
After invitations go out the list changes job: it stops being a decision and becomes a count. Watch three things. Who has not replied, so the reminder goes to them and only them. Who has opened their invitation but not answered, because that is a different nudge from someone who never saw it. And the party sizes in the replies against the party sizes you assumed, because a '2' that comes back as '4' is where capacity quietly goes. The reply-by date closes the list; the final count goes to the caterer; the seating plan starts from the list as it is on that morning.
Eight guest list mistakes
All of them cost either money or a relationship, and all of them come from the list not having a rule.
- Counting rows instead of people, and booking a room for households.
- Cutting name by name in conversation instead of group by group on paper.
- Deciding plus-ones per guest, so every single friend asks and every answer is compared.
- Leaving children undecided until the first reply asks.
- Collecting postal addresses for everyone when only forty households get a card.
- Keeping three lists: the parents' spreadsheet, the couple's notes app and the tool.
- Adding evening guests to the dinner list by mistake, and paying for their dinner.
- Letting the list live in a spreadsheet after invitations go out, so replies get typed in twice.
FAQ
- How do I decide how many guests to invite to a wedding?
- Start from the venue's seated capacity and the per-head catering price, take the lower of the two numbers the budget allows, and make that the target. Then split the target between the couple and the families before anyone writes a name.
- How do I cut a wedding guest list without offending people?
- Cut by rules that apply to everyone, group by group: colleagues before friends, the one-year rule, the reciprocity rule, children and plus-ones decided as policies. A rule can be explained; a decision about one person cannot.
- Should single guests get a plus-one?
- Either all of them or none of them. Partners who live together or are engaged are invited by name regardless. Print the rule on the invitation so nobody has to ask.
- How do I count wedding guests correctly?
- Count people, not households or replies. Keep a party-size column from the first draft and read its total; 90 rows are typically 180 to 220 people once partners and children are included.
- What information do I need from each guest?
- A name, the party size, and an e-mail address or phone number to send the link. Dietary needs and menu choices come back through the reply form. Postal addresses only for households that get a printed card.
- Can I import my guest list spreadsheet into Vowly Event?
- Yes, on the web app: upload the .xlsx or .csv (up to 500 rows), the app recognises name, e-mail, phone, party size and notes columns in nine languages, shows a preview, and writes the rows into the event. Planning, including the guest list, is free.
- Is there a free wedding guest list template?
- Yes. The spreadsheet on this page has the columns the app imports, plus a group column for sorting. It opens in Excel, Numbers and Google Sheets.