- Five facts, always: who invites, what for, when, where, how to reply. Everything else is optional.
- The hosts' line says who is inviting, and it is the line families argue about. Decide it before you write anything else.
- Pick one register and hold it. Formal, modern or playful; mixing them reads as a mistake, not as range.
- The reply line needs a date, a way and a note of what to include. 'Let us know' is not a reply line.
- Say the awkward things on the invitation, once, for everyone: dress code, children, plus-ones, gifts. Guests who read it do not ask.
The five facts
Strip any invitation, printed or digital, formal or a message in a group chat, and the same five things are underneath. If one is missing, someone has to ask, and if someone has to ask, the invitation did not work.
The order below is the order guests read in, and it is worth keeping even when the design pulls things around. Guests scan for the date first and the address second; everything else they read once.
- Who is inviting. A name, two names, a family, a company. The line that tells a guest whose event this is.
- What the occasion is. A wedding, a fortieth, a leaving drinks. Say it plainly; a cryptic invitation is a puzzle nobody asked for.
- When. Day, date and start time, and an end time if the venue has one. Write the day of the week; people check it against their own calendar.
- Where. The venue's name and its full address, and a second venue if the day moves. A map link on a digital invitation, a postcode on a printed one.
- How to reply, and by when. A date written as a date, and one way to answer.
The hosts' line
This is the line that takes the longest and gets written last. Traditionally the people paying invite, which is why old wedding invitations open with the bride's parents. Today the honest version is simply whoever is actually hosting, and the wording follows from that.
The decision matters because it is read as a statement about the family. Decide it between you before you write, and if two sets of parents are contributing, name both or name neither. Naming one is the version that causes the phone calls.
Together with their families, Anna and Thomas invite you to…
Mr and Mrs David Weber request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their daughter Anna to Thomas Klein.
Anna and Thomas are getting married, and would love you there.
The Weber and Klein families invite you to celebrate…
You are invited to Anna's 40th, hosted by Thomas.
Vowly Ltd invites you to its annual client evening.
Three registers, and how to hold one
Register is the level of formality, and an invitation should pick one and stay in it. The clue is the verb and the person: formal wording is third person and asks ("request the pleasure of your company"), modern wording is first person and tells ("we're getting married"), playful wording is first person and jokes. All three are correct; only the mixture is wrong.
A useful test: read the invitation aloud in the voice of the person hosting. If it sounds like a different person halfway through, the register slipped.
| Register | Person and verb | Reads as | Use it when |
|---|---|---|---|
| Formal | Third person, "request the pleasure" | Ceremony, respect, occasion | Weddings with parents hosting, black tie, official events |
| Modern | First person, "we would love you there" | Warm, direct, contemporary | Most weddings, engagements, milestone birthdays, dinners |
| Playful | First person, a joke in the first line | A good night out | Parties, housewarmings, casual birthdays, leaving drinks |
Formal wording
Formal invitations use the third person, spell dates and times out, and give the reply its own line. They do not use contractions or exclamation marks. The lines below are the frames; change the names.
Mr and Mrs David Weber request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their daughter Anna Weber to Thomas Klein on Saturday, the twelfth of May, two thousand and twenty-seven, at three o'clock in the afternoon.
The honour of your presence is requested at the marriage of Anna Weber and Thomas Klein.
Together with their families, Anna Weber and Thomas Klein request the pleasure of your company at their wedding.
You are cordially invited to a dinner in honour of Professor Anna Weber.
The Board of Vowly Ltd requests the pleasure of your company at the annual dinner.
Modern wording
The modern register is the one most people want and the one most guides handle badly, because it is easy to write it into mush. Keep the five facts, drop the formulas, and let one sentence carry warmth rather than three.
We're getting married, and we'd love you there.
Anna and Thomas are getting married. Come and celebrate with us.
Two years, one flat, three houseplants still alive. We're throwing a party — come.
We're turning the garden into a dance floor for one night. Join us.
Anna is turning forty and we are making a fuss. You are invited.
Dinner, drinks and the good glasses. Saturday the twelfth, from seven.
Playful wording
Playful works when the joke is short, kind and in the first line only. The facts underneath stay straight; a guest who cannot find the address because the whole card is a joke will not laugh. Save the wit for the opening and the sign-off.
We've booked a room, a band and far too much cake. Please help us finish it.
Anna is forty. There will be denial, and there will be cocktails.
New flat, no furniture, plenty of wine. Come and sit on the floor with us.
The dress code is 'better than the office'. The rest is up to you.
Bring nothing but yourself. Actually, bring a dish. Actually, just bring yourself.
The reply line
The reply line is the one that decides whether you spend the month before your event chasing people. It needs three things: a date written as a date, one way to answer, and a note of what to include. "Let us know if you can make it" has none of them, and it is the most common line on a badly answered invitation.
On a digital invitation the reply form is on the page, so the line can be short. On a printed card it carries the link or the return address. The RSVP guide has thirty more lines and the etiquette behind them.
Please reply by 12 April, using the link below. Tell us who's coming and any dietary needs.
RSVP by 12 April · anna-and-thomas.example
Let us know by 12 April — one tap, thirty seconds.
Kindly respond by the twelfth of April.
Scan the code to reply. The caterer needs our numbers by the twelfth.
The details people forget
These are the lines guests ask about when they are missing, and the questions arrive one at a time, by message, over a month. Say each one once on the invitation and the questions stop.
- Dress code, in words a guest can act on. "Black tie", "smart, and the lawn is soft", "come as you are" all work; "festive" does not.
- Children: invited, not invited, or family only. Say it kindly and say it to everyone.
- Plus-ones: named on the envelope, or a rule stated once. Never decided per guest.
- Timings that are not the start: when the ceremony begins, when dinner is served, when the music stops.
- Getting there and back: parking, the nearest station, the last train, whether a coach is laid on.
- Where to stay, if guests travel. A hotel name and a booking deadline beats a list of options.
- Gifts, only if you want to say something. Silence is a complete answer; so is one honest line.
- Anything they must bring: a swimsuit, a dish, a photo of you both from before 2015.
Writing for a digital invitation
A digital invitation changes what the wording has to carry. The address becomes a map, the reply becomes a form and the practical notes move to a guest page, so the invitation itself gets shorter, not longer. Write the five facts and the tone; let the page hold the parking.
Two things are worth writing differently. First, the opening line does double duty: it is also the preview text in the chat where you send it, so put the occasion and the names in the first eight words. Second, dates should be written in full rather than abbreviated, because a guest reading in another language reads them literally.
Anna & Thomas are getting married — Saturday 12 May, Villa Rosa.
You're invited: Anna's 40th, Saturday 12 May, from 7pm.
Our housewarming — Saturday 12 May, the new flat, come any time after four.
Wording by occasion
Every occasion changes one thing: what the invitation has to be careful about. A wedding has the hosts' line, a baby shower has the registry, a corporate invitation has the registration deadline. Each page below is the wording for that occasion, with the lines to copy.
| Occasion | The line that matters most | Page |
|---|---|---|
| Wedding | Who is inviting, and the reply-by date | Wedding invitation wording |
| Engagement | Whether it is a party or the announcement itself | Engagement invitation wording |
| Birthday | The age, said or unsaid, and gifts | Birthday invitation wording |
| Baby shower | The registry, and who is hosting | Baby shower invitation wording |
| Graduation | The ceremony versus the party | Graduation invitation wording |
| Corporate | The agenda, the dress code and the deadline | Corporate event invitation wording |
| Party | The vibe, the time and what to bring | Party invitation wording |
| Dinner | The table, the time and the menu | Dinner invitation wording |
| Housewarming | The address, the hours and 'no gifts' | Housewarming invitation wording |
Ten wording mistakes
Each one costs either a message you have to answer or a guest who does not come. None of them costs anything to avoid.
- No reply-by date, or "as soon as you can".
- The date without the day of the week, so nobody catches the typo.
- A venue name with no address, because the hosts know where it is.
- Two registers in one card: "request the pleasure" over "can't wait to party!".
- The hosts' line left vague to avoid a family conversation that then happens anyway.
- Dress code as a mood word: "festive", "elevated", "garden chic".
- Children and plus-ones left unsaid, so every guest asks separately.
- The joke carried past the first line, into the address.
- Times abbreviated in a way that reads differently abroad: 7.30 vs 19:30.
- Three ways to reply, so the answers arrive in three places.
FAQ
- What should an invitation say?
- Five things: who is inviting, what the occasion is, the day and time, the venue with its full address, and how to reply with a date. Everything else, dress code, children, parking, gifts, is added because it stops a question.
- Who should be named as the host on an invitation?
- Whoever is actually hosting. Traditionally that was whoever paid, which is why formal wedding invitations open with the bride's parents; today "Together with their families, Anna and Thomas invite you" is the common answer. If two families contribute, name both or name neither.
- How formal should invitation wording be?
- Pick one register and hold it. Formal uses the third person and no contractions; modern uses the first person and says it plainly; playful puts a joke in the first line only. Mixing two reads as a mistake.
- How do I write the RSVP line?
- Give a date written as a date, one way to answer, and what to include: "Please reply by 12 April using the link below. Tell us who's coming and any dietary needs." Avoid "let us know", which has no date and no method.
- Should the invitation mention gifts?
- Only if you want to say something. Saying nothing is a complete answer. If you do, one honest line is enough, and a registry or a note about donations belongs on the guest page rather than the invitation itself.
- How is wording different on a digital invitation?
- It gets shorter. The address becomes a map, the reply becomes a form and parking and hotels move to the guest page, so the invitation carries the five facts and the tone. Put the occasion and the names in the first eight words, because that is the preview in the chat.
- Can I write the invitation in two languages?
- Yes, and for a family spread across countries you should. Either print both languages on the card, or use a digital invitation that shows each guest the page in their own language; Vowly Event does that across nine.